Maybe You Don't Need More Confidence

Years ago, I was at a friend’s lake house, and there was a tall platform on the dock that you could jump from into the water. It didn’t look especially terrifying from the ground, but once I climbed up there, it suddenly seemed like an extremely bad idea.

I stood at the edge trying to work up the nerve to jump. Someone below looked up at me and said, “The longer you stand there, the longer you’re scared.”

Nothing was going to happen up there that would make the jump less intimidating. I wasn’t going to stand around long enough to become a different, braver person. I could stay scared on the platform, or I could be scared and jump. So I jumped.

I think about that moment whenever people ask whether I’m nervous before I play a show. These days, the answer isn’t always yes, but it took me a long time to get there. Before my WGN interview? Absolutely. I was terrified.

People sometimes seem surprised by that answer, as if being onstage or appearing on live television means I’ve unlocked some magical level of confidence that everyone else is still working toward. I haven’t.

I still get nervous. I still wonder whether I’m going to stumble over my words or embarrass myself. The difference is that I’ve stopped treating those thoughts like instructions.

I think we’ve gotten the order backwards. We tell ourselves we’ll apply for the job when we’re ready. We’ll leave the relationship, start the business, make the phone call, go back to school, audition, or finally do the thing we’ve been talking about for years once we feel comfortable doing so.

The problem is, I don’t think that’s how confidence works.

I wish confidence worked like a Costco membership. You pay the fee, stock up once a year, and never run out. Unfortunately, it seems to arrive in much smaller shipments, usually about thirty seconds after you needed it.

The next time you catch yourself saying, I’ll do it when I feel more confident, I’m not ready yet, or it’s just not the right time, it may be worth asking what you’re actually waiting for. Do you actually need more time, information, or preparation? Or are you standing on the platform, hoping the jump will stop being scary before you make it?

Are you not ready, or are you waiting to feel something that may not arrive until after you begin?

Sometimes more preparation is the right answer. Sometimes you need more information, more support, or a better plan. But sometimes the longer you stand there, the longer you’re scared. At some point, you have to jump.