Who Said It Had to Be This Way?

Jackie and I got married last week, can you believe? 💁‍♀️

Somewhere between choosing pizza over a plated dinner and casual over cocktail attire, I realized I was asking the same question I've been asking my entire life:

Why did everyone agree there's only one way to do this?

Not because traditions are bad. Some are beautiful. Some connect us to the people who came before us. Some still carry deep meaning. But somewhere along the way, a choice becomes an expectation, an expectation becomes a rule, and eventually, a rule becomes something we stop questioning altogether. My wedding was a reflection of us, and most of that was throwing the traditions out the window. Even being queer is an act of defiance against the conventional, so why stick to the rules?

Of course I've noticed that this doesn't just happen with weddings.

It happens with careers.

It happens with relationships.

It happens with success.

It happens with the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we're capable of (or not capable of)

We stay because leaving feels irresponsible, and we keep climbing because we've already invested too much.

We buy the house, have the kids, keep the job, swallow our instincts- not necessarily because we want those things, but because we've mistaken convention for truth.

We tolerate the garter toss tradition even when it grosses everyone out (it can't just be me).

We keep saying yes when we mean no.

The Decisions That Changed My Life

Looking back, I don't think I've been especially brave. So many of the biggest decisions in my life came from asking one more question after everyone else seemed satisfied with the answer.

I got the tattoos while climbing the corporate ladder because I never believed professionalism had to look one particular way. I proposed to Jackie when it felt right to me instead of waiting for a timeline that belonged to someone else. I eventually left a six-figure job because the version of success I was living no longer matched the life I wanted to build.

None of those decisions felt fearless, most of them felt uncomfortable, and some felt downright terrifying.

Permission

People tell me all the time: "I could never do that."

And I often wonder if what they really mean is: "I could never give myself permission."

The safest decision isn't always the safest one. Sometimes the "responsible" choice slowly distances you from yourself.

The greatest gift I've ever been given is the ability to see things from a different perspective, and the greatest gift I know how to offer is helping other people do the same.

One More Question

If you've been feeling stuck, questioning a relationship, considering a career change, navigating a life transition, or wrestling with a decision you can't seem to make, I hope you'll ask yourself one more question.

Not:

"What's everyone else doing?"

Not:

"What's the safest option?"

Just:

What if that's not true?

I don't think everyone should quit their job, get married in their living room, or challenge every tradition they come across.

I just think we owe ourselves the chance to ask.